


heathens

by unenchantingly



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Best Friends, Characters are in their senior year, Complicated Relationships, Consensual Underage Sex, Divorced parents, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Epic Friendship, Eventual Relationships, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Multi, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Sexual Confusion, Sexual Content, Sexuality, Sexuality Crisis, Songs as chapter titles, South Park related mature themes, Swearing, Teenage Drama, Toxic Relationship, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, south park - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:47:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28572498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unenchantingly/pseuds/unenchantingly
Summary: The drug dealer playboy, the stoic sexually-confused teenager, and the insecure party girl - makes for a good combination, doesn't it? Kenny McCormick, Craig Tucker, and [ First Name ] [ Last Name ] have been best friends since their freshman year. Now that the final half of senior year approaches, the three are confronted with the harsh realities of life in South Park, Colorado.Desperately trying to get money, Kenny finds himself in morally questionable situations that starts to take a toll on his mental health - which doesn't matter as long as it benefits his little sister's brighter future, right? Despite never showing his emotions and insecurities, Craig Tucker is in an inner turmoil concerning his sexuality - but if he ignores his feelings, they'll go away right? [ First Name ] [ Last Name ] never expected to fall in love with her best friend - might as well make a series of bad decisions to distract herself from the devastating truth that he doesn't feel the same way, right?Spoiler alert: they were wrong
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Bebe Stevens, Craig Tucker/Reader, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Eric Cartman/Heidi Turner, Kenny McCormick/Reader, Kenny McCormick/Reader/Craig Tucker, Kenny McCormick/Tammy Warner, Kyle Broflovski/Reader, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger, Token Black/Nichole Daniels, Token Black/Wendy Testaburger
Comments: 21
Kudos: 44





	1. Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time

**Author's Note:**

> This particular fanfiction is purely written for my own entertainment and the entertainment of others. It deals with mature themes that are openly written about such as sex, racism, alcohol/drug abuse, and more. It is a South Park fanfic so offensive content is to be expected. A good rule of thumb is: if the mature theme is dealt with in the tv cartoon South Park, it will likely also be dealt with in the fanfiction in the form of jokes or situations that actually occur. The main themes of these stories are angst, sexuality, drug, and alcohol abuse, body issues, and teenage relationships. It is important to note that I have aged up all of the characters, however, the majority are still minors. The main characters will be in their senior year, meaning that they are seventeen/eighteen years old. This story is also posted on my quotev (@pandaisms).  
> 
> 
> I am not writing what I believe, I am a supporter of the LGBTQ+ community and I do not support racism, sexism other offensive subjects.

❝ Champagne, cocaine, gasoline, and all things in between . . . .

If you go on you might pass out in the drain pipe. Don't threaten me with a good time. ❞

  
━━ [Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5NqIsnyTG8) by Panic! at the Disco. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It was one of those nights; one of those it's _time to get shit-faced drunk and as high as a kite_ nights ━ it was New Year's Eve after all and Bebe Stevens was throwing one of her famous house parties. That meant that no one was going to sleep early, and no one was going to be left sober. It was a good thing that Bebe's parents were out of town because they would not want to see their precious little girl sucking off Clyde Donovan in their bedroom because she downed a bottle of Jack Daniels a few moments beforehand on a dare. Not that I blame her, I was not particularly sober on that night, nor was I making the best of decisions. It was one of the most insane days I had ever had. At least, that's what I could tell from the bits I remembered. 

I blame it on the alcohol ━ and the weed, definitly the weed. 

Kenny had brought a bag and announced that tonight was the night to smoke it all. Now, I am not a stoner, certainly not, but I am a girl who is easily convinced to join in on the fun, especially after a few drinks. In other words, I am a party smoker. I have been cutting back on cigarettes but quitting cold turkey was not going to work for me, so a joint here and there wasn't going to hurt anyone ━ at least, that was what Kenny kept preaching to me. He was a stoner ━ he and Craig both were. The amount of shit they smoked was unbelievable. It was bad enough that they both went through a pack of cigs in about a school week, but they got high every weekend as well ( and let's not forget about the amount of alcohol they consume). They don't remember half of the bullshit they have gotten themselves into while they were far from sober. Not that I can judge of course, but I do. I judge. 

"Do you want another hit, Bambi?" Craig questioned, holding the blunt out for me, delicately between his fingers, red eyes fixed on mine. His voice croaked slightly as he spoke, due to the fumes. For some reason, it made me laugh. Craig Tucker had changed quite a bit since fourth grade. He had grown his hair out and his voice wasn't as nasally. He had been working out, and it was noticeable. Mentally he had not changed much. He was still stoïc and stubborn as ever. His habit of flipping people off was still there, as to be expected. The raven-haired boy had gone through some rough shit ━ still going through it actually, though he would state otherwise. That whole Creek thing has him fucked-up, questioning his sexuality. He says it was just a phase. He is not gay, but I am certain he still has a thing for Tweek Tweak, though if anyone says so they will end up with a black eye. It is a bit of a sensitive subject. 

Taking the blunt between my fingers, I positioned it between my lips and took a hit. "Are we ever going to do anything other than getting fucked up?" I asked, closing my eyes, allowing the dizziness to overwhelm me for a moment, before opening them quickly, before I'd fall off of the rooftop and end up with a broken neck. Rest in Peace [ First Name ] [ Last Name ]. Craig, Kenny, and I were often found on rooftops. It is kind of our go-to hangout place. Has been since freshmen year. 

Kenny wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close with a lopsided grin on his lips. "Ah, babe, we _are_ fucked up, remember?" Kenny had changed as well. He did not always wear his parka over his head anymore, only when it was really cold. He spoke out more and you could actually understand what he was saying. Of course, that worked well for the ladies because _damn_ , they were all over Kenny McCormick. There was one word that comes to mind. _Fuckboy_. Well, I can think of quite a few colorful words to describe it, actually, but I won't get into that right now. 

"Speak for yourself, McCormick," I exclaimed with a playful punch on his shoulder. 

The blonde stuck his tongue out at me, Craig scoffing in return. I laughed, rolling my eyes at the two males. These two boys have been my two idiots since we bonded in freshman year. Sure, they were fucked up, but hey, who isn't these days, especially in South Park, Colorado.

Looking down at the party below, I could see Wendy Testaburger throwing her drink in Stan Marsh's face. Clyde and Bebe were just exiting the house, fresh from their hookup. Token Black and Nichole Daniels were getting cozy in the hot tub while Kyle Brovlofski, Eric Cartman, and Heidi Turner seemed to be in quite a heated discussion. I was going to have to ask her about that in the morning.

"No, but seriously guys." I passed the blunt to Kenny, a small sigh escaping my lips as I continued to look over the party. "Are things ever going to change?" Kenny and Craig both turned their head to look at me. "I mean, we've been stuck in this stupid town _forever._ Same faces, same stupid drama.Stan and Wendy's on and off relationship -- with a bit of Token mixed into it. Kyle and Cartman bitching at each other. Heidi with her Cartman issues. Wendy with her Cartman issues. Everyone with their Cartman issues. . . " I trailed off, a small frown appearing on my lips. South Park was a dead end and everyone knew it.

Craig just shrugged. Kenny looked thoughtful. It took a while before anyone spoke again. My gaze turned to the night sky, eyeing the stars as I rested my head on Kenny's shoulder. "I love you guys, you know that right?" It must have been the weed talking, making me feel so emotional. 

"Don't get all sentimental on us, Bambi," Craig scolded playfully, a smile breaking out on his stoic features. Craig had been calling me Bambi ever since he and Kenny took me skating at Stark's Pond for the first time and I fell flat on my face the first second they let me skate without me holding onto them. I had never gone skating before, considering I had only moved to South Park a few weeks into freshman year. Kenny and Craig had immediately taken me under their wing after I paid for their McDonalds meal when Kenny's dad's credit card was declined and Craig did not have enough cash to cover both of them. We got to talking and after they found out that I had never ice-skated in my life, Kenny announced that they would take me to Stark's Pond to skate as a way of saying thank you for covering their McDonalds. The nickname Bambi stuck. 

"The fuck you talking about? You have only been here for three years." Kenny pointed out. He was right, partially. I had been born in South Park. My parents had been born there, but they moved out of the mountain town after my dad got a promotion at work and we moved to Fort Collins for a few years. Then the firm my father was working for went bankrupt and we all had to haul ass back to South Park and live at my grandmother's place for a while. Dad started his own law firm in South Park, but his marriage with my mom went downhill and they got divorced. Mom left South Park and moved in with her boyfriend who is half her age. I decided to live with my father in South Park. 

I shrugged at Kenny, "I know. It just feels like I'll be stuck here forever. I mean, my dad lived here all his life, moved away for a while, and then moved right back. It is like he was sucked right back into the curse that is South Park, Colorado."

Craig laid his hand on my knee and it felt comforting. These two assholes meant more to me than anything in his life. Though we all have our problems, we always seem to make each other better. In all honesty, I wouldn't know what I'd do if I lost either one of them. I was going to find that out soon enough. 

I let a laugh escape my lips after I took my last hit of the night, to ease the depressing atmosphere I caused. "If I get more buzzed, I think I am not going to be able to get down from this fucking rooftop without breaking something." It was a joke, but there was a hint of truth in there. Looking at my phone, I noticed that it was five minutes to twelve. Five minutes to a new year. Perhaps even a new start? I doubt it though. "Anyone of you two losers has a New Year's resolution?" I ask, trying to lighten the mood. I didn't want to spend the last five minutes of the year contemplating my life in a philosophical way, I am far too young for that. 

Craig shrugged once more, before his lips parted to speak, "I think to get less detention, that way my parents won't bitch as much as they do." He sounded genuine. Looking over at Kenny, Craig let a smirk slip on his lips, "I bet your New Year's resolution is 'bang more hot bitches'." he joked, making Kenny and I laugh. With a small sigh, Kenny shook his head, grin still in place.

"Nah, man." Kenny was quiet for a moment like he was thinking about his resolution, but that was where the conversation ended and it was silent once more, though not uncomfortable. Honestly, things were hardly ever uncomfortable with the three of us - not even when Kenny makes a weird sexual innuendo or plain out sexual remark. "I think I want to save up enough money to move out. Maybe take Karen with me, you know?" 

It was quiet for a few moments, I let a sad smile paint my lips as I slipped my fingers between Kenny's to give his hand a comforting squeeze. He returned my smile, his eyes glistening slightly in the moonlight. I never noticed how beautiful Kenny's eyes were. They were a luminous blue, reflecting starlight. It was easy to get lost in them. 

"Guys, it's twenty seconds to midnight," Craig said, and my cheeks flushed. I hope no one noticed that I was getting lost in Kenny McCormick's eyes. _That_ would be embarrassing. 

Kenny handed me the bottle of champagne I had taken from home, "You do the honors, babe." he winked and I rolled my eyes at him with a smile on my lips.

A crowd had gathered outside. Everyone was in the garden, counting down until the new year started. Kenny, Craig, and I joined in the countdown, Kenny, and Craig shouting like idiots, while I tried to count while controlling my laughter. I am pretty sure Kenny kept his arm wrapped around me just to make sure that I did not fall off of the rooftop. 

"3. . . .2. . .1. . . HAPPY NEW YEAR!!" 

I grinned at my two best friends as the crowd down below erupted into cheers. Everyone was hugging, making-out, popping open champagne bottles. I grabbed our own bottle and unscrewed the cork, "Happy new year, bitches." I grinned, before shaking the bottle and sending the cork flying through the air to ultimately land in the swimming pool. The champagne exploded from the bottle, spilling over the bottle and onto the rooftop. I raised the bottle to make a toast, "Kenny McCormick, Craig Tucker, you two are the best friends a girl could ever wish for. I love you guys." to finish my little _i love you guys_ speech,, I took a large sip from the bottle, before passing it to Craig. 

"Fuck, Bambi. That was sappy." Craig said, taking a swing of his own. 

"Oh come on Craig, you know you love us," I replied, nudging him with my shoulder. 

Kenny took the bottle next, "You guys are my family. I don't know how I'd survive this shitty town without you guys." 

We were quiet for a moment, watching the party unfold in front of us while passing the bottle. Kenny still had his arm around me and I had my head resting on Craig's shoulder. If anyone had a camera, I was sure that we would make quite a pretty picture. No one would notice how fucked up we were from that far a distance. 

The moment was interrupted by Wendy Testaburger shouting our names, "What the fuck are you doing up there? Get the fuck down! We're going to play truth or dare so you three better get your asses into the pool house!" she demanded, arms crossed over her chest. With a final huff and a strict glare, she turned on her heels and headed inside.

"Great way to start the new year," Craig said sarcastically. 

"Come on, don't be like that, Craigy. It's going to be fun." I encouraged, nudging him with my shoulder. 

The ravenette rolled his eyes, "You're going to get drunk as fuck, be dared to do some crazy shit, and probably make out some guy you don't even like, pass out, and then wake up the next morning with a killer headache, regretting everything you've done." he deadpanned. 

"Don't threaten me with a good time," I winked at him as we started to collect our things and head down the rooftop. Craig and Kenny helped me jump off without breaking any bones, and we finished the last of the champagne bottle before opening the door to the poolhouse. The actual party was still going on in the house, but it was too loud for party games, so Bebe decided that all party games were to be played in the pool house.

Bebe Stevens's parents were loaded. After Bebe's rich-as-fuck great aunt died, they came into her inheritance and they bought a new house in the rich part of South Park, next to Token Black's house. With their newfound wealth, Bebe's parents were often out of town, meaning Bebe's house was where all the parties were, which made her the most popular girl in South Park. Bebe was nice though. She wasn't a stereotypical mean girl. Her best friend Wendy was more of a mean girl than Bebe was. Though, also not in the stereotypical Regina George way. Wendy Testaburger is a sweetheart, but it is best not to get on her bad side. They were a dynamic duo; the IT girl and the student body president. They were also great fun at sleepovers. Sure, Kenny and Craig are my absolute best friends, but it is nice to have some girl time every now and then. Bebe and Wendy had been really kind to me when my parents got divorced. Wendy made sure I kept up with my studies by letting me borrow her notes and Bebe made sure I had some fun to distract myself from the divorce. 

"Damn, this pool house is bigger than your house, isn't it, Kenny?" Eric Cartman yelled as he caught sight of the blonde. 

Kyle Broflovski smacked him over the head, "Shut the fuck up, Fatass." 

Craig and I simultaneously flipped Cartman off, and Kenny headed over to the refreshment table to grab us some drinks, not wasting his breath on Eric Cartmen. He returned with three red solo cups filled with vodka soda. 

The pool house was not too crowded. I had a feeling that this game was for certain members only; the main crew. Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, and Eric Cartman were seated on one of the couches. Tweek Tweak, Clyde Donovan, and Token Black were seated on fold-out chairs next to Bebe and Wendy, who were sharing a big ugly loveseat. Heidi was sitting on a fold-out chair next to Cartman. The only vacant place left was a grey couch next to Heidi and two fold-out chairs across from it. I took a seat in the middle of the couch, and Kenny and Craig placed themselves beside me. 

"Are there more people coming?" I asked, motioning to the two empty chairs. 

Bebe nodded, taking a sip from her glass of champagne. "Yeah, Nichole is getting more girls to play. Thought we'd get more girls to play because this group is overwhelmingly male." 

As if on cue, Nichole Daniels walked in with two girls in tow. "I got three more contenders! At least now we'll have an even boy/girl ratio," she said, as she took a seat beside Token. Red McArthur took the seat beside her. I frowned. I never really got along with Red. She has had it out for me ever since I stepped foot in this stupid little mountain town.

"We'll need more space though," Wendy said, shooing Token and Clyde from their chairs and telling them to get new ones. 

"Annie can probably fit on the love seat with us." Bebe offered, making room while the boys grabbed a new chair and sat down on it. 

"Who's the third chick?" Clyde asked. 

"Oh, Tammy will be here in a minute," Nichole replied, placing an empty bottle on the table.

"Who the fuck is Tammy?" Cartman rudely asked, while shoving pretzels in his mouth. 

Bebe rolled her eyes, "Tammy Warner. She graduated this year. She's a year older than us, dumbass." 

I never met Tammy Warner but I knew that she used to give people blowjobs in the parking lot of T.G.I. Friday's. Still, it was clear that Tammy Warner was well known to the group. 

"Tammy Warner? Kenny, dude, isn't that the girl who gave you your first blowjob in fourth grade?" Stan asked and immediately all eyes were on the blonde sitting beside me. I raised my eyebrow. 

Kenny shrugged, taking a sip from his red drinking cup. He did not bother replying, but there was a mischievous smirk on his lips. His lack of response was a reply in its own, however. 

"You're such a fucking whore, Kenny." Cartman sneered. "Wait, she's just are poor as you are, right? You two are made for each other!"

Kenny rolled his eyes, "Shut your mouth, asshole." he snapped, "Don't be jealous because I attract people, while they prefer to run away from you and your fat ass." 

"Ey! I'm not fat! I'm big-boned!" 

The door opened, ending the conversation. A girl stepped into the pool house, wearing a read over-the-shoulder long-sleeve crop top and blue denim skirt, accessorized by a golden hearth necklace with pink and purple bracelets. She wore white knee-length socks and heeled ankle boots. Her hair was long, streaked brown hair and blonde highlights. She did not wear a lot of makeup, only mascara. She did not need a lot of make-up. She was gorgeous. 

"Hey guys," Tammy waved to the group, a bright smile on her red-painted lips. 

I sunk into my seat. By the way, everyone was given Kenny the _you are one lucky son of a bitch_ look, I had a feeling that the gorgeous girl was Tammy. I suddenly felt like I was the ugliest girl in the room. I was not usually this sensitive about my looks. I know I'm pretty. A lot of guys have told me so. Still, I could not help but feel inadequate compared to Tammy Warner. 

"Alright, let's get this party started!" Bebe announced, urging Tammy to her seat. As everyone got settled in their seats, Bebe stood up to spin the bottle. It was her party, so it was only natural that she decided to go first. The bottle spun for a few seconds before it landed on Kyle Brovlofski. "Alright, Kyle. Truth or dare?" 

Kyle's cheeks turned red and I remembered that he was not as much a party-goer as the rest of us. He hardly ever got drunk and even when he did, he was still quite composed. Kyle Brovlofski was the mom friend, always taking care of everyone, even when drunk off his ass. Kyle Broflovski was the kind of guy you could proudly bring home to your parents. I used to have a crush on him in my sophomore year. I think he is pretty cute if I am being completely honest. 

"Uh," he gulped, "Truth."

Bebe smirked but she took a moment to think, which only made Kyle more nervous. Then, her smirk widened even more and she sat on the edge of the loveseat, propping her elbows on the knees and cupping her head to look at Kyle intensely. "Are you still a virgin?" 

Token whistled, "Damn, Bebe. Getting right into it." 

Kyle turned even redder if that were possible. His face was nearly the same color as his hair. "W-What?" he squeaked, before clearing his throat and composing himself. "No. I'm not," he said, running a hand through his hair awkwardly. 

Bebe's eyes widened, "Oh my god! Who did you lose it to?" 

Everyone looked at Kyle expectantly. 

"Come on Bebe, you can't ask two questions." I interrupted, causing Bebe to glare at me. She kept her mouth shut though, as she knew that she was right. 

Kyle shot me a grateful look before standing up to spin the bottle. It landed on Craig. "Truth or dare, Craig?"

"Truth," Craig replied, looking uninterested in the game.

"You pussies. Too afraid to pick dare?" Cartman mocked. Craig flipped him off. 

The little exchange gave Kyle a moment to think. He smiled as he got an idea for a question. I had a feeling it was not going to be as intimate as Bebe's question. "Do you have a favorite friend?"

That was actually a good question. If someone would ask me that, I would not be able to answer that. Sure, I could say Craig and Kenny, but to actually chose between the two of them, I do not think I could. 

However, Craig answered without skipping a beat. "Yes. Bambi is my favorite friend."

I turned to Craig, beaming, while Kenny let a fake gasp escape his lips, pretending to be offended. I knew that Kenny was not really offended. He knew Craig was just pulling his leg. He loved us equally, though he would never say it out loud. 

"Bambi, like the Disney character?" Tammy asked, looking confused. 

I shook my head, "Uh, no." I told her awkwardly. "I'm Bambi. It's his nickname for me."

"Oh, I see. Cool."

Tammy and I looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. Luckily, Craig broke the tension by spinning the bottle. It was Token's turn. He chose dare. 

Craig smirked deviously, "I dare you to read the last sext you sent Nichole." 

Token frowned, "That's weak dude." 

Craig merely shrugged in reply while Token pulled out his phone and scrolled through his conversation with Nichole. "Oh fuck, this is embarrassing," Token mumbled, before clearing his throat and starting to read. Nichole was beet red. I had a feeling she knew exactly what Token was going to read, "I'm going to murder you tonight. The type of murder where my weapon is my cock." 

It was silent for about two seconds before the entire circle burst out laughing. Token and Nichole shared a look, before joining in. I wondered what it was like to have a relationship like Token and Nichole had. They were so comfortable with each other and were not embarrassed by having their intimate moments out in the open. Sure, they had their problems, but they always seemed to find each other again. I wanted that. 

Token spun the bottle next and dared Wendy to finish her drink without using her hands. Then Wendy dared Clyde to describe the last sexual dream he had (Bebe, Wendy, and I were in it. He was quite proud of the dream. It made me laugh). Clyde asked Cartman to describe the most disgusting thing he had ever done. I am not going to repeat that, though. Cartman dared Stan to streak (now _that_ was interesting) then Stan asked Heidi if she ever had sex with Cartman. She said yes. It was mindblowing. Then it was finally my turn and Heidi dared me to give the next person the bottle landed on a lap dance. It landed on Bebe. I rocked her world. Afterward, I asked Annie to reveal her fetishes. I am not going to repeat that either. Then Annie asked Tammy to reveal the weirdest place she had sex. She said T.G.I Friday's (which was not such a _shocker_ ). I did catch Kenny winking at her. 

After a few more rounds and a lot more drinks, the atmosphere in the pool house was sensational. Everyone was drunk. The game was wild. I was pretty sure Stan and Wendy were going to hook up later considering Wendy had said that Stan was a better kisser when Red asked who of her ex-boyfriends was the best kisser and they had not stopped staring at each other. Heidi was getting flirty with Cartman, which was disgusting, and Clyde and Bebe were eye-fucking each other. Teenagers and their hormones. 

I was pretty drunk myself. My legs were propped on Kenny's lap while I lent into Craig's embrace, his arm wrapped loosely around me as he used the other hand to smoke. Occasionally, he would hold the cigarette to my lips so that I could take a drag. Bebe was too shitfaced to care about Craig smoking in the pool house. 

Red spun the bottle and it landed on Kenny. She asked the necessary question and immediately started whispering with Annie when Kenny replied with dare. I was not paying too much attention. I was trying to make smoke rings and failing miserably. Then Red spoke the dare and my attention was captured. 

"I dare you to kiss the prettiest girl in the room." 

I moved away from Craig and sat with my legs crossed on the couch. I started swirling the remainder of the liquid in the cup. I knew he was going to kiss Tammy Warner and it bothered me. It made me feel sick to my stomach. I could see Annie nudging Tammy, raising her eyebrows suggestively and I frowned, returning my attention to my cup. 

"Sure," Kenny accepted the dare like it was the easiest dare he could have accepted. I did not bother to look up. I did not really feel like watching my best friend make out with some brunette beauty. 

What happened next was something no one expected to happen. 

Kenny delicately grabbed my chin and turned my head so that I was looking at him before crashing his lips on mine. I was not sure if this was actually happening or if it was a drunken hallucination. Kenny's lips moved smoothly against mine. His hand moved to cup my cheek. It felt like time had stopped. I felt a flutter in my chest that intensified. My heart pounded and I felt my knees grow weak. I wasn't bothered with the surprised and shocked stares of my friend as they watched Kenny and I kiss. The only thing I could focus on was how soft he felt against my mouth. 

When Kenny broke the kiss, I could feel my body tingling. I stared at him, my eyes searching his for an explanation. 

"What?" Kenny asked nonchalantly, "You're a knockout, [ First Name ]." He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He stood up, running a hand through his blonde hair before spinning the bottle again. The room was silent, except for Wendy and Bebe who were whispering chaotically. When the bottle landed on Bebe and Kenny asked the million-dollar question. The game continued, glossing over the fact that Kenny had decided to kiss me. 

"What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done in bed?" Kenny asked casually, taking out a cigarette and lighting it as what had just happened was not a big deal. 

Perhaps it wasn't to him. For me, on the other hand. . . . I was still shocked. My heart was still racing. Craig must have noticed the impact the kiss brought me because he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his chest. For a guy who pretended not to have any emotions, he was pretty good at reading them. At least, he was good at reading my emotions. Craig Tucker could read me like a book. Sometimes, he knew me better than I knew myself. Most people did not realize just how perceptive Craig actually was. He pretended he was indifferent towards everything, but that was just a facade. He just was not good at handling his own emotions. 

"Fuck Kenny. I don't want to tell everyone _that_." Bebe complained, her cheeks red. 

"Come on Bebe, don't be such a pussy." Cartman yelled. 

Bebe rolled her eyes and raised her hands in defeat as everyone was encouraging her to answer the question. "Alright, alright!" She took a deep breath. "I guess that the kinkiest thing I've ever done is . . . uh . . . pedication."

"What the fuck is that?" Clyde asked, tilting his head in confusion. 

Kenny laughed, raising his eyebrows in amusement. "Oh, you innocent flower. Pedication is just a fancy word for anal." He took another drag from his cigarette. "I'm guessing you did not do it with Clyde then," he hummed at Bebe, who glared at him and flipped him off.

Before anything more could be said about the subject, one of Bebe’s friends rushed into the pool house with an urgent look on her face. “Bebe, Nelly threw up on the couch.” She did not need to say more, as Bebe cursed under her breath and quickly rushed out of the pool house to salvage the couch cushion.

It did not take long before Red stood up, announcing that she was bored and she wanted to go dancing. She took Annie and Tammy with her. Wendy went to help Bebe with the seat cushion, which the rest just kind of remained in their seats.

I frowned, “I want to go dancing too,” I looked at Craig, raising my eyebrows suggestively.

Craig rolled his eyes at me, “Why didn’t you go with Red then?” he asked, making it clear that he was not going to go dancing with me.

“Because I can’t stand Red.” I replied, giving him my puppy-dog _please-go-dancing-with-me_ eyes. “Please, Craig, please?”

Craig huffed, shaking his head at me as he put out his cigarette. “No fucking way, Bambi.”

“Come on, I’ll go dancing with you,” Nichole said, standing up and grabbing my hand to pull me up on my feet. Heidi excitedly stood up as well to follow us out of the pool house. Before exiting, I turned around to stick my tongue out at Craig. He flipped me off in return. _Typical._ I purposely avoided Kenny’s eye. I wasn’t sure what to think after he planted one on me and then pretended like it was nothing.

"So what the fuck was that with Kenny?" Nichole asked as soon as he were outside, "I thought he'd go for Tammy, you know? She'd been eyeing him the entire game."

I shrugged, forcing a careless smile on my lips, "Hell if I know and hell if I care. I just want to go dancing."

And that was the end of it. I do not really remember a lot of what happened next. I remember doing shots with Nichole and Heidi. Then we went dancing. I remember singing along to Hot in Here by Nelly and some cute guy from North Park asking me to dance. Then we did some more shots and Heidi told me that the guy from North Park was trying to get into my pants. I told her that I was flattered but not particularly interested in that. I just liked dancing with him. 

After about an hour of dancing and doing shots with my friends, I saw a familiar blonde stumbling down the stairs with a pretty brunette. His shirt was inside out and his hair was a mess. At least his pants were buttoned. It took me a moment to realize that the pretty brunette was Tammy Warner. She was fixing her hair and pulling up her bra strap. It was easy to conclude that they had just come downstairs after a quicky. I did not understand why the thought of Kenny McCormick hooking up with his ex-girlfriend upset me so much. But it did. I got this horrible feeling in my stomach and all I wanted was for it to go away. 

I tore away from the North Park guy, "I'm thirsty." I told him, batting my eyelashes and taking his hand to get something to drink. 

"Shit, yeah, let's go get something to drink," he said, following me with a grin on his lips. 

I knew I was leading him on. I was not quite sure what I was doing with the North Park guy ━ hell, I did not even know what I was doing in general. What I did know, however, was that I was not drunk enough. Naturally, I grabbed a bottle of wine that was still nearly seventy-five percent full and claimed it as my own. Sober me would have told me that it was not a good idea since I usually got a headache from drinking too much wine, but drunk me was having too much fun. 

The next thing I knew, I was downing the bottle. I could hear people cheer my name, urging me to finish the bottle of wine. I felt someone grab my arm, nearly making me drop the bottle. I spilled wine all over my shoes. I looked up angrily at the culprit only to meet the bright blue eyes of one Kenny McCormick. 

"What are you doing? You've had enough, babe. You need to stop drinking or you're going to drink yourself into a coma." Kenny did not sound angry. He was genuinely concerned. He took the bottle from me, holding it up higher as I tried to reach it. The crowd around me had started to disperse, bored with the exchange between me and Kenny.

"Oh please," I said, standing on my toes to snatch the bottle back, "Don't threaten me with a good time," I repeated the same line I used on Craig. I was drunk. My sense of originality had disappeared. Do not judge. 

"Come on, don't be like that," Kenny mumbled, frowning as he tried to grab ahold of the bottle again. I could barely hear him over the music. 

I did my best to evade his attempts, "Geez, Kenny, back the fuck off, I'm fine." I snapped at him, pressing the bottle to my lips. 

Kenny made another attempt to grab my wrist, but the cute guy from North Park stepped in front of him, shielding me from the blonde. Kenny tried to get past the North Park guy, but he blocked him. "She said she's fine, dude."

Though his face revealed his annoyance, Kenny kept calm. He was not about to get into a fight with some guy from North Park. He knew that it was likely that he would not win that fight. Cute North Park guy looked like he lifted weights and played quarterback on the football team. "Look, just let me handle this. She's going to pass out if she drinks any more." he tried to reason with the guy, making another move to get past him, but Cute North Park guy was relentless. 

Cute North Park guy pushed Kenny backward, "She said _back off,_ mate." 

Now, Kenny knew how to handle himself. He lived in the poorest part of town. He had been in quite a few fights. He did not have the tendency to start fights though. With his intelligence and charm, he usually managed to talk himself out of bad situations. However, he did have the tendency to jump in when his friends ━ mainly, Craig ━ got into fights. He always had his friends' back. The idea of the North Park guy taking advantage of me in my drunken state was running through his mind. The North Park guy was really pissing him off. 

Kenny stepped forward, his eyebrows raised. His face read _are you fucking kidding me right now?_ He puffed his chest out and curled his fist into a ball, ready to deck the North Park kid. "Oh yeah? And who the fuck are you?"

I was pretty sure that if I did not do anything to stop it, the exchange between Kenny and Cute North Park guy would escalate into a fight. I surged forward, but I moved too fast and collapsed before I could say anything. 

Two strong arms hoisted me up and I looked up to see Craig holding me up with one arm around my waist. "Where did you come from, Craiggers?" I asked, tilting my head in confusion before resting my head against his chest. 

Craig and Kenny shared a look, "Let's get her outside," 

Nodding, Kenny stepped past the North Park guy, who seemed to back down now that I was in another guy's arms, and now that he was outnumbered. Besides, Craig Tucker looked a lot more intimidating than Kenny did. 

They guided me through the living room to the front door. The backyard was filled with drunk teenagers and I could do with some peace and quiet. They set me down on the steps to the front door. Kenny had grabbed his orange parka on the way and placed it over my shoulders to make sure that I did not get frostbite. 

"So what the fuck happened in there?" Craig asked, breaking the silence. He lit another cigarette and offered one to Kenny. He declined the cigarette and looked at me in concern. 

I shrugged. I did not feel like explaining myself to them. Both of them had done worse. Besides, I was enjoying the fresh air too much to be bothered with their interrogation. 

Kenny sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Who the fuck was that guy anyway? I nearly clocked the bastard."

I shrugged again, "Cute North Park Guy. I don't really remember his name though," I frowned, furrowing my eyebrows in though, "Alex? Jason? Fuck I don't know."

Craig and Kenny shared another look. This time they were amused, however. They could never stay upset with me long. "How drunk are you, Bambi?" Craig asked, a small smile playing on his lips as he took another drag from his cigarette. 

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am." I slurred. When I realized what I said, I frowned, "Okay. Wait. I'm not as _drunk_ as you _think_ I am." I corrected myself, grinning proudly that I said the words in the right order this time. 

"Shit, babe. You need some water. I'll go get you a glass." Kenny laughed, shaking his head before heading inside to grab me some water. 

Craig took a seat beside me on the steps and I immediately rested my head on his shoulders. It was silent for a moment and I closed my eyes. It felt like the world was turning. It made me feel nauseous so I opened my eyes again. "So, you going to tell me what that was about?" Craig asked casually, finishing his cigarette and putting it out on the step before flicking it in the bushes. 

I sighed, my eyes fixed on the bushes Craig just littered, "I don't really know, Craig."

"Okay," Craig replied simply. I could feel him shrugging his shoulder. 

His silence gave me a moment to think. What _was_ that all about? Why did I care so much about who Kenny slept with? "I mean, he kisses _me_ and then he sleeps with _her_. I just don't get it." I rubbed my temples to fight the upcoming headache. 

"I know." was all Craig said, before pulling another cigarette from his packet. _Fucking addict_. "Why does it bother you, though? He kissed you on a _dare_ and you know he fucks everything that walks."

Craig's blunt words made me laugh. I nudge his shoulder, non-verbally telling him that he could not say that about our best friend. Sitting with Craig sobered me up, which sucked because I could not stop thinking about Kenny and Tammy. It made me clench my fists. My expression was pinched and my lips were pressed flat. 

"Fuck." I breathed out. My voice was shaky as it slowly started to dawn on me. "Fuck." I repeated, running a hand through my hair and looking up at the stars. 

Craig frowned at me, "What?"

I looked at him, realizing exactly what was going on. It felt like a ton of bricks. My voice broke as I spoke the few words that would set off a series of bad decisions and unfortunate events, "Please don't tell me I'm in love with my best friend. . ."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > **Bambi** : You're not exactly the king of mature relationships.  
>  **Kenny** : Fair enough. But I would argue that I'm like a beautiful angel of love who has trouble finding love for himself. Admit that you would see that movie!  
>  **Craig** : I would  
> ── **source** : incorrect south park quotes (tumblr). 
> 
> The events in this story are not cannon. I will write this fanfiction as I want to write it, meaning I will not stick to all canon storylines. This story is purely entertainment, as I mentioned before. On another note, the titles of the chapters and the story are song titles and are credited to their owners. I do not claim credit for the characters of South Park or the storylines that belong to the franchise. I only claim credit for the story and the main character. I think it's worth mentioning that I am heavily inspired by the HBO show Euphoria. This story will give off similar vibes. On that note, the narrator of the story is the reader who will be speaking in the first person, similarly to how Rue Bennett narrates the episodes of Euphoria. The story will focus on the reader, Craig Tucker, and Kenny McCormick, but I will also go into the rest of the characters a bit, just not in as much detail as the main trio.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Please leave a like or a comment!! <3


	2. Therefore I am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Thank you all so much for all the nice comments and for liking the story! Thank you so so much. Anyways, here is chapter two, enjoy!

❝ I'm not your friend, or anything, damn . . . .

You think that you're the man. I think therefore I am. ❞

  
━━ [Therefore I am](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2IRzL1398E) by Billie Eilish. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

From a very early age on, Craig Tucker had been described as a stoic emotionless dick. He never quite understood that description though. He was not emotionless. He had feelings. He experienced emotions just like his peers. Craig Tucker just expressed himself less theatrically than the rest of the people in South Park. Mostly, though he felt so many feelings at once that it confused him and most of the time it was too much of a hassle. Nevertheless, Craig Tucker felt emotions like everyone else and he was just as much of a dick as everyone else. Though, I would argue that he was less so. Craig would kick my ass if he heard me saying that. 

Craig was my first friend in South Park. Not Kenny, or Bebe, or Wendy, or Stan, or Kyle. No. Craig Tucker was the first person I befriended.

My parents had just dropped me off at South Park High and they had immediately left after the administration was handled. I had been handed my schedule, given vague directions to my new Homeroom, and left to fend for myself. I had never wanted to move out of Fort Collins. I had a group of friends with who I was planning on spending my high school years. They were not _ride-or-die_ type of friends. I became friends with them out of convenience and remained friends with them out of habit. Long-term crush had just asked me out and I was certain that we would end up an item if I had stayed in Fort Collins. I had a very comfortable life. Everything was easy and everything fit. Sure, it could be a bit boring at times, but it was what I was used to. I did not want to leave my comfort zone. Long story short, I was not happy about moving to South Park, Colorado.

Before class, I had decided to call my friend Ellen to complain about how much I hated the fact that I had to leave Fort Collins. I stood in front of the school, walking around aimlessly as I spoke to Ellen. I had not noticed that there was someone else outside, smoking a cigarette.

Craig had been sent to the principal’s office for disrupting class. He and Kenny had been goofing around in the back of the room, drawing rude pictures and throwing paper planes. One of Craig’s planes had hit Mr. Garrison in the head. Instead of going to the principal’s office, however, Craig decided to go outside for a smoke before lunch. Mr. Garrison wasn’t going to check with the principal anyway. Outside, he noticed a girl he had never seen before, complaining on the phone. She was nice enough to look at, so he decided she was a nice enough view for him to enjoy while he was smoking. He watched her quietly as she ranted to her friends about how much she did not want to be in South Park. 

“I swear, this town is so fucking weird. I can’t even describe it. I just know I’m going to hate it here. All these kids have known each other since forever. They have all these cliques and friend groups and I’m the new kid who joined their school two months into freshmen year.” I had been kicking leaves, one hand in my jacket pocket and the other holding the phone. I was too busy with my conversation to notice a pair of dark-blue eyes watching me. “It also doesn’t help that I got a schedule shoved in my hands and told to join the other students for lunch before joining in on the rest of the classes. Don’t parents understand that I can’t just join whoever I want for lunch? I mean, who the hell am I supposed to sit with?”

Craig had watched me with a raised eyebrow, concluding that I was like all the other girls – a whiner. Then, I said something and he changed his mind.

I let a sigh escape my lips, “I feel bad for complaining. My dad lost his job and here I am bitching about who I should sit with at lunch. I should be glad that my dad has a job opportunity here and that my grandmother let us live with her while my dad got back on his feet. I am such a bitch for even complaining-” A loud crashing sound had made me stop talking. I had not been paying attention to my surroundings at all and harshly bumped into a bicycle, which then knocked over the bicycle beside it, and it was a domino effect from there. “Fuck. I just knocked over a row of bikes. I gotta go. Talk to you later.” As I hung up the phone, I quickly tried to pick up all the bikes.

Craig had extinguished his cigarette and walked over to me. When I had noticed him, I instantly felt embarrassed, “Shit, I’m sorry. Was this yours?” I asked, holding up one of the bikes. He was quite tall, towering over me with a monotone look on his features. He had a roguish handsomeness to him, sharp cheekbones, and deep dark blue eyes, highlighted by the blue jacket he was wearing. 

A chuckle had escaped his lips as he shook his head, “Nope,” was all he had said before he started helping me pick up the bicycles in silence.

When we had finished, I decided to introduce myself. He did the same in return. “Craig,” he had simply said, telling me his name. It was quiet after that for a few moments and I remember feeling rather awkward considering Craig was not particularly wordy. Then, he said something that had surprised me. “You can sit with me at lunch.”

I had stared at him for a moment, meeting his dark-blue eyes. It did not particularly bother me that he had been listening in on my conversation. I was too taken aback by the invitation. Perhaps it was not going to be as difficult in South Park as I thought. “Sure, thanks.” I had said.

And I did sit with him at lunch. He had not really spoken a lot, but I had a feeling that he was not an extrovert. There was the occasional shut the fuck up here and there, but Craig mostly just flipped everyone off. He seemed uninterested in the bickering between the red-haired kid and the fat - no, sorry, big-boned - kid. He did not bother introducing me to his friend (though, honestly, I wondered if they were even his friend). That was fine, though. I was just glad to have someone to sit with. Of course, it did not take long before I became friends with Kenny as well after our McDonalds run-in. 

Because of the very fact that Craig Tucker had told me I could sit with him at lunch as a genuinely kind gesture, I considered him my first friend. When I tell people that Craig was my first friend, however, they usually looked at me in surprise, disbelief, confusion, or all mixed together. Craig Tucker had a certain reputation, after all.

After my big realization that had feelings for Kenny McCormick in the first hours of the New Year, it had been quiet for a moment. Craig and I were both at a loss for words. It was like a smack in the face that had instantly sobered me up (mostly).

A sigh escaped my lips and I gave the ravenette beside me a pointed look, “Whatever just came out of my lips will never be repeated to Kenny, ever.” It was the only suitable reaction I could think of.

Nodding solemnly, Craig promised that he would not utter a word. He knew a thing or two about complicated feelings for someone that had always been just a close friend. He was not going to complicate my predicament even more by repeating my words to our mutual blonde friend. Besides, Craig Tucker was good at keeping secrets. Especially his own.

When Kenny returned with a glass of water, I slowly started drinking small sips of the water, looking up at the stars. Craig had stood up to stand beside Kenny in the door opening, with me only a few feet away. I was not paying any attention to what Kenny and Craig were saying though. I was still too busy with my revelation and it did not help that my head was spinning.

Kenny had a red solo cup in his hands filled with beer. Craig was smoking. “Did she say anything?” the blonde asked, with a concerned look my way.

Craig shook his head. He had promised that he would not say anything and honestly, he really did not want to say anything. He knew Kenny longer than I did and he knew how Kenny tended to get when it came to girls. Craig did not want to have comfort his best friend when his other best friend inevitably broke her heart. Besides, he was not even sure what Kenny was referring to. Did he want to know if Bambi had said anything about why she decided to get so drunk in such a short time? Did he want to know if she had said anything about him and the kiss? Or the boy from North Park?

One thing I had noticed over the years of getting to know the chullo-wearing, guinea pig loving, asshole named Craig Tucker, was that he tended to get incredibly protective over the ones he cares about. He wanted to keep his loved ones safe and make sure they did not have to feel as shitty as he did. Craig never knew what to say when he was supposed to comfort someone. He could be blunt and he usually was not very wordy. For some, this came off as him not caring, so he decided that it was best to get ahead of the problem, as he was not good at dealing with the consequences. When coming to the natural fight-or-flight response embedded in the human brain, Craig usually went with the former, literally.

For this very reason, Craig Tucker had taken Kenny aside and decided to have a little talk with his blonde friend.

“Look, McCormick.” Craig started as he handed Kenny a cigarette. This time he did accept it, placing it delicately between his fingers and lighting it with the fire Craig held out for the blonde, “Do whatever the fuck you want with those other girls, but not with Bambi.” His tone was casual and calm, almost monotone. Still, Kenny knew that Craig was being serious, “She is better than the both of us. She doesn’t deserve any of that shit.” Though the warning was not all too extensive, it got the point across.

Kenny pinched the bridge of his nose as if the conversation was giving him a headache, “Fuck, Craig, you know I would never do anything to hurt her.” He sounded genuine, but Craig knew that even the best of intention could have the worst consequences.

"Yeah, fine. Just keep in mind that I'll beat the living shit out of you if you do hurt her." Craig's tone was still his usual deadpan. He did not need a response from his friend as Kenny understood the severity despite Craig's monotone. With a nod from Craig, the conversation was finished. Craig had never needed a lot of words to get his point across.

Luckily for their friendship, Kenny McCormick took the threat lightly, mockingly raising his hands in surrender, “Alright, alright, sir.”

A roll of his eyes was the response Craig deemed fit. “Fuck off, Kenny.”

In the meantime, I had managed to get on my feet and I was ready to return to the party. It was only two in the morning, after all. I never leave a party before at least three, it's common courtesy. I walked over to the two boys and Craig offered me a cigarette. I refused. I'd had enough in my system to go on for the rest of the night and have a massive hangover in the morning. We enjoyed the silence for a moment, Craig and Kenny finishing their cigarette while I finished my glass of water, holding onto Kenny's signature orange parka. It smelled like cigarettes, beer, and cheap cologne. It smelled like Kenny. 

The front door opened, interrupting our peaceful silence. In the doorway stood the perfect frame of a Tammy Warner, a bright smile on her lips. "Hey, Ken! I was looking for you. I need a partner for beer pong. You game?" she asked, looking at the blonde expectantly. 

Kenny shrugged, his brilliant grin ever so apparent on his lips as he turned to Craig and me, "You guys in?" he asked. 

I immediately shook my head. I was not going to play a game where I had to watch Kenny fawn over his ex-girlfriend. "Nah, Craig promised me he'd dance with me." 

"Fuck you. I did not." Craig immediately replied, his eyes narrowing in a glare directed at me before he turned to Kenny and shook his head, "Not in the mood."

Kenny gave me a look and I was not sure what he wanted from me. Did he want me to change my mind? Did he want my permission? "You go on. I think I've had enough alcohol for now." I assured him, forcing a smile and quickly hiding behind my glass of water before my smile turned into a scowl. 

"Come on Kenny, let's show them what a good team we are!" Tammy encouraged, grabbing Kenny's hand and with a quick wave directed towards Craig and me, the duo was off. Kenny had not even glanced back at us. He was too enthralled by the older girl in the cute crop top with her perfect smile and her kind eyes. 

I was not sure whether it was the alcohol, the cigarette fumes, or just my imagination, but I could of sworn I heard Tammy warner say “I did not know they were a couple.”

I decided not to pay too much attention to it. No one in their right mind would think Craig and I are a couple.

Craig was eyeing me and I frowned at him, "What?" 

He shrugged, flicking his dead cigarette into the bushes, "You're a fucking idiot."

"Gee, thanks." 

The corners of Craig's lips twitched into a smile before he jerked his head to the door, "Let's go see if there's something to eat. I'm fucking starving." 

He slung an arm around my shoulders and guided me into the house. I was glad he did because upon reentering the house, I felt a wave of nausea hit me and I had half a mind to go back outside. Sweaty, alcohol-infused, drugged-up teenagers in a room always had a certain smell to it. I hung Kenny’s parka on the coat rack and we shoved our way through the drunk teachers. When we finally found our way to the kitchen, I wish we had entered just a moment later. If I had just tripped or something, and Craig had to hoist me up from the ground, we would have entered the kitchen a moment later, and Craig would not have to see the sight before him.

Leaning against the counter, a bright smile on his features, and his eyes shining brilliantly, was Tweek Tweak, holding hands with an undeniably handsome male who could not manage to keep his eyes off the blonde coffee-addict. They were talking, laughing, and the handsome guy leaned over to give Tweek a kiss on his lips. The blonde squeaked in his normal fashion, but his smile only grew wider. Any other person would have found the sight before them sweet and innocent – just two teenagers in love. For Craig, it was seeing his ex-boyfriend (who he still had feelings for but was in a state of complete and utter denial over, according to my own intelligence) happy with someone else and I can imagine that hurt like he was being stabbed in his heart. I say I imagine that because Craig gave no indication of whether or not the scene in front of him bothered him.

I knew him, though. It did.

Dropping his arm, Craig walked forward, approaching the couple, “You’re blocking the refreshments,” he deadpanned.

“Oh – Craig!” Tweek squealed, surprised, “S-Sorry.” He immediately jumped away from the attractive man, whose smile had not left his lips.

“Oh, sorry about that, mate.” The guy said, coolly, moving out of the way, “You’re Craig? It’s nice to meet you. I’m Sam.” he introduced himself, offering Craig a hand. The ravenette looked at Sam, eyes narrowed before he returned his attention to the refreshments.

I stepped forward and introduced myself before things got awkward, “It’s nice to meet you. I haven’t seen you in South Park before.”

“I’m from North Park,” Sam explained, throwing me a thankful look.

“Oef, tough break,” I teased. I was hoping to lighten the mood. Craig was being a grumpy asshole because he could not handle his own emotions. That was not Tweek’s fault or his problem. I knew that Tweek would rank high on the anxiety scale, so I wanted to diffuse the situation a bit. I like Tweek. He usually gives me my second cup of coffee for free because I always leave him a nice tip. Besides, I know how difficult Craig Tucker can get.

Sam laughed. He seemed pretty easy-going, which was a good thing when dating Tweek Tweak. “It’s not that bad. Though the people in South Park are more interesting, I can say that much.”

I raised an eyebrow, “I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

“Depends on the person,” Sam countered, and we laughed.

Craig did not seem amused and I could tell that he had experienced a major mood drop. “I need a smoke,” he said, throwing a bag of cookies at me before walking towards the backyard.

I sent Tweek and Sam an apologetic smile, “It was nice to meet you,” I called out as I followed Craig out of the door. The two males waved at me before returning to their conversation.

Craig had lit up a cigarette the moment he stepped foot outside. He found himself a nice, isolated corner to stand in and he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. The only thing he could think about was how annoying that strange feeling in his stomach was and he wanted to go the fuck home.

When I finally managed to find him (and it took quite a while because I nearly stumbled into the pool. I definitely was not as sobered up as I thought), he was lighting his second cigarette.

“I’m leaving,” Craig said before I could say anything.

I sighed, looking around at the party. My eyes could only settle on the game of beer pong. Tammy had just managed to land a cup, and Kenny picked her up and twirled her around. They looked like a couple. It disgusted me.

Then I decided that it was probably best that I left the party as well, “Fuck, I should probably go too. My dad’s celebrating the New Year with his creepy lawyer friends so I told him I would stay at Bebe’s, though.” I had initially intended to stay at the party until the end. I would leave Bebe’s in the morning and sleep at home for the entire day. Considering the fact that I felt like I was going to throw up, however, I probably was not going to last for much longer.

Craig looked at me for a moment before speaking, “You can stay with me if you want.”

“What about your parents?”

“They’re at my uncle’s with Ruby.”

“Oh, thanks, Craig.” I smiled at him. I had never stayed over at Craig’s before. Sure, I’d been there a few times but Craig preferred being anywhere other than at home. Craig’s parents were a bit strange. They had all these expectations and opinions about what Craig should do, who he should date, and how he should act. Craig Tucker did not take kindly to that. Every since the whole Creek situation got all fucked up, Craig’s mom had been waiting for him to come home with another boyfriend. I guess she enjoys the whole having a homosexual son trope, which I think is pretty messed up. Craig’s dad, on the other hand, kept declaring that it was a phase. Of course, Craig himself denies that he’s gay and I genuinely do not think that he is gay, though I know for a fact that he’s not straight either. Of course, that is for him to figure out and not for his parents to determine. It must be frustrating when your parents insist that you are something when you constantly tell them that it is not the case.

“I’m going to say goodbye to Bebe and get my stuff,” I told him.

Craig nodded, “I’m finishing this.” he said, referring to his newly lit cigarette. 

I was not going to question the fact that he felt like he did not need to say goodbye to anyone. It’s Craig Tucker, after all. It did not take long for me to spot Bebe. She stood at the beer pong table with Nichole, Annie, and Red, cheering as Wendy and Stan had just beat Tammy and Kenny at the game. When she saw me, she waved me over.

“Hey, Bebe, I’m going to head out,” I told her, pretending not to see Kenny and Tammy. Though, I could tell that Kenny was looking at me.

“What? Boo,” Bebe complained, “I thought you were staying over. Isn’t your dad at home with those weird friends?” she asked, tilting her head with a pout on her lips.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Don’t worry, though, I’ve got a different sleeping address.”

Bebe grinned and raised her eyebrows in suggestion, “Oh? Is that so?” and the way she said it made me realized that I probably could have phrased that better. “Girl, are you getting some?” she practically yelled, and now the entire beer pong table was invested in our conversation.

“Oh my god, [Name], spill!” Wendy ordered, leaning over the table with an excited look on her face.

“Is it the cute North Park guy?” Nichole added.

I could feel Kenny’s eyes boring into me and I felt my cheeks glowing under all the stares. “What? No! I’m not -”

“She’s totally going to have sex. Look, she’s blushing.” Red interrupted an evil smirk on her stupid sadistic face. She was purposely only making things worse and I could tell by the look she was giving me.

“You’ve got to tell us,” Bebe demanded, eyes wide, “Who’s the lucky guy?”

It was probably the absolutely worse timing ever and later, I would realize that this was one of the events that caused a multitude of situations that would not have happened if I were soberer and had the time to explain my case.

Craig approached the group, holding my coat and my bag. He must have gotten impatient and grabbed them. “Come on, Bambi, let’s go.”

As he handed my coat to me, I could see wide eyes and scandalous smirks on the faces of my friends. Giddy giggles escaped Nichole’s lips as she whispered something to Annie. Stan looked confused and Wendy looked like she had just won a bet or something. I caught Tammy leaning close to Kenny and whispering something in his ear. He frowned at her words, eyes narrowed as he looked at Craig.

“Oh, darling, it’s one hundred percent okay that you’re bailing on me.” Bebe winked at me, her smirk wide and mischievous, “Just be sure to call me tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I’ll – uh – yeah. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I was too tired to bother correcting my friends. I would do damage control tomorrow. Craig said a simple bye to everyone and I did a quick wave. I did not bother explaining the situation to Kenny. Surely he knew that Craig and I weren’t like that. Besides, I did not need to explain myself to him when he’d been sleeping with Tammy Warner. It was not that he’d care whether Craig and I had sex or not.

We did not speak on the walk back to Craig’s house and I did not mind the silence. It gave me a moment to gather my thoughts, though it did not seem to work. All I could think about was what Tammy had whispered to Kenny.

Craig was not in the mood to talk. He had been trying to gather his thoughts as well. Seeing Tweek with another guy had messed him up quite a bit and it bothered him. He did not have feelings for Tweek so why did he care?

When we arrived at Craig’s house, I felt my eyes droop. I was ready to fall asleep. Luckily, Craig did not suggest we stay up and chat or anything. We walked to his room and placed my bag on the floor and threw my coat over it. I did not have anything to sleep in with me, though it did bring my toothbrush. I had not really been planning on getting sleep while at Bebe’s so sleep attire wasn’t necessary. Besides, I could always borrow something of hers.

“Could I borrow a shirt?” I asked Craig as he rummaged through his closet for his pajamas. He replied by throwing a simple black t-shirt at me. I thanked him and grabbed my toothbrush. My nighttime routine did not take too long. I made sure to drink a glass of water before returning to Craig’s room because I did not want to have a hangover in the morning. I had neatly folded my clothes and put on Craig’s shirt. Given Craig is freakishly tall, the t-shirt covered my butt a decent amount.

I returned to Craig’s room ready to pass out. He was in his bed, scrolling through his phone absent-mindedly. “So. . uh, where do I sleep?” I asked, placing my stuff by my bed.

Craig shrugged, “You can sleep where you want. Ruby’s room is across from here and my parent’s room is beside it.”

I frowned at him, “I’m not sleeping in their rooms! What if they come home in the morning and see me lying in their bed?”

Another shrug, “Fine, then you can sleep in here.”

I stared at him. Did he mean in his bed? “But where will you sleep?” I asked, confused. Craig was definitely not the best host.

“Bambi, you’re pissing me off. Just get in the God-damn bed.”

Raising an eyebrow, I entered Craig’s bed. Something about the situation made me feel slightly weird in my stomach, but I ignore it. I was probably just tired and making a big deal out of nothing. He did not have a very large bed, but there was enough room for both of us. Craig was still scrolling through his Instagram. I smirked at him, “So we gonna cuddle?” I teased.

“Shut up.” was all the reply I got.

It was silent after that. Craig had shut off his phone and turned around, his back facing me. I knew he was not asleep yet so I could not resist breaking the silence.

“Craig?”

“What?”

I swallowed, wondering if I should ask the question, but I could not help myself, “Do you think I’m as pretty as Tammy Warner.”

“Don’t be fucking needy, Bambi.” Craig mumbled, annoyed by my question. In his mind, it was a stupid question. In his mind, I was much prettier than Tammy Warner and I was stupid for comparing myself with her. “Just go to sleep.”

I considered continuing the subject, but I decided that it was better to just drop the subject. “Fuck, alright, alright. Goodnight, asshole.”

Craig grinned, “Goodnight, idiot.”

Waking up the following day was interesting, to say the least. I woke up before Craig because I had to go to the bathroom. Craig had one arm draped loosely around my waist, his forehead resting against my back. He was sleeping peacefully and I did not want to wake him, but I also did not want to wet the bed so I carefully maneuvered out of his grasp and left the room. It felt strange cuddling with the ravenette. Out of the three of us, Craig was usually the least cuddly – with me and Kenny being extremely cuddly. Still, that did not stop him from casually wrapping his arm around my shoulder every now and then. At the beginning of our friendship, he had to get used to the fact that I enjoy physical affection. He was not affectionate with just anyone, which a lot of people liked to comment on. Still, I never imagined Craig to be a sleepy cuddler.

I yawned as I exited the bathroom, rubbing my eyes sleepily as I prepared to return to the bed. I had no idea what time it was but Craig had said that his family wouldn’t be back until the evening, so I could still rest for a few hours before returning home.

Craig was wrong.

A young red-haired girl stared at me from across the hall, eyebrow quirked and a judgy look on her features. She was one-hundred percent Craig’s sister. I had seen her a few times before of course, though Craig never really gave me the time to talk to her, always rushing up to his room and ignoring her presence. She did not say anything and I quickly dove back into Craig’s room, knowing that I was only wearing one of her t-shirts and if Ruby was home, Mr. and Mrs. Tucker were home as well and I did not want them to see me in my panties and their son’s shirt.

“Christ, Bambi. Don’t slam the door so hard. You fucking woke me up.” Craig mumbled, his voice low and slightly croaky as stared at me with a sleepy glare, his hair disheveled. 

I immediately went for my clothes. They smelled like beer and cigarettes. Just great. “Your parents are home,” I informed him, rushing to get my pants on. My shirt was stained with red wine. How is it that I had not noticed that before?

“So?” Craig said lazily, a yawn escaping his lips.

I glared at him. He was being too nonchalant for my liking. “They’ll think we had sex.”

Craig shrugged his shoulders, sitting up in the bed and giving me a look that read this conversation is boring me. “If they see you they’ll probably think your my girlfriend and my mom will stop telling people I’m gay.”

I raised an eyebrow, anger fading into amusement. “I’m not your type though. Quirky blondes are more your type.”

“And yours.” Craig countered expertly, a smirk growing on his lips.

Fuck. He got me there.

I rolled my eyes at him, “Whatever. I’m keeping this shirt on. Mine is stained with wine and smelling it makes me want to throw up.” I informed him, putting on my shoes. “So, uhm. How should I leave.”

Once again, Craig looked at me as if I was an idiot. “The front door, genius.”

“But your parents will see me.”

“So?”

I felt like throwing something at him. “Fine. Are you at least going to see me out?”

Craig grinned at me and got out of bed. He did not bother fixing his appearance as he opened the door and walked out. I knew what he was thinking. I was making a big deal out of nothing. I don’t know why it bothered me that people might think that I was sleeping with Craig.

Actually, there was only one person that I did not want to think that I was sleeping with Craig.

We walked down the stairs and I silently prayed that his parents would not catch me sneaking out. Of course, luck was not on my side, and his parents were sitting in the living room. The moment we walked passed they spotted us.

“Craig, who’s that?” Mr. Tucker asked, trying to get a better look at me as I hid behind Craig.

“It’s just [Name],” Craig replied simply and all I could do was wave awkwardly.

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Tucker. Happy New Year.” I greeted, revealing myself properly. They already knew I was here so I had nothing to lose.

Mrs. Tucker smiled brightly at me, “Hello, dear. Happy New Year to you too. Would you like to stay for breakfast?” she asked and I immediately shook my head.

“Oh, no, thank you. I’ve got to get home.” I quickly said, doing my best to ignore the proud grin his father had on his lips. “Bye!” As I rushed to the door, I saw that Craig had his eyebrows raised at me. He was enjoying this. The only thing I could do was glare at him. He was going to regret this later.

“I’ll text you later, yeah?” Craig asked, amused smirk written on his lips.

I mumbled profanity at him and nodded, “Yeah. Fine. Ciao.” Before exiting the house. Craig let a chuckle escape his lips and he shook his head at me before flipping me off and closing the door.

Even with the door closed, I could hear Ruby asking Craig, “Is she your girlfriend now?” as I walked away from the Tucker residence. I knew it wasn’t the walk of shame. I had not slept with Craig Tucker. Still, stepping out into the glaring sun while walking home; it sure felt like the walk of shame.

And it certainly was not the last time I would have that feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > **Bambi** : I'm small but knowing..  
>  **Craig** : You sure don’t know what the top shelf looks like.  
>  **Bambi** :  
>  **Craig** :  
>  **Bambi** : bitch  
> ── **source** : incorrect south park quotes (tumblr). 
> 
> Not me starting to ship Craig and Bambi. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the second chapter. Drama is on the horizon. <3 


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